I Wished for You

 

“A long time ago a wish started growing in my heart. At first, it was a quiet wish that nobody knew. Then it became an out-loud wish that grew and grew and grew. Until one day my wish came true.”

“Why did you wish for me Mama?”

“Because, I had an empty place in my heart that I wanted to fill with love for a special child like you. Someone who would be my cuddly little one, and I would be his Mama.”

“What about the mama who grew me in her tummy? Didn't she wish for me too?”

“Sometimes, a mama will grow a baby in her belly, and for all kinds of reasons, she’ll decide she cannot be the very best mama she wants to be. The mama who grew you loved you enough to make a different wish- a wish for a family who would love her little ones with a total and adoring love. The kind of love I have for you.”

“Mama, did you wish for me by name?”

“When I first wished my wish I didn't know your name. But that didn't stop my wishing. I asked Heavenly Father to look around and find the child who would be the perfect one for me.  Of all the children in the whole wide world, He picked you for me.”

“Did you wish for me all day, Mama? Or only when the stars were out?”

“All the time. I wished for you with my morning breakfast and when I made my bed. I couldn't get my wish for you out of my head. I wished for you through many phone calls….and through mountains of paperwork. I wished for you while I waited and waited and waited. During the waiting I would imagine you. I imagined what you’d look like, or what color your hair would be. I imagined you in your room, playing with your blocks and trains. I wondered, too, if you’d like soccer or piano or art projects.”

“Did you imagine me to look exactly like I do?”

“You are more beautiful than I ever dreamed. One day…One glorious, special, wonderful day, I found out my wish was coming true.”

“What did you do?”

“I shouted for joy! And I cried happy tears. I told all my friends…and the hugged me and cried, too. Everyone knew how much I had been wishing for you!”

“What did you do when you first held me?”

“I fell deeply in love with you. I looked into your sweet face, and right then, you became my wish come true.”

-by Marianne Richmond

Mothers day is such a special day for us. Two years ago, the day before mothers day we were sealed together for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake temple. And on Mothers day we had the twins blessed as we were surrounded by family and friends.

Our Adoption Story

Chapter 4...ramblings about the whole

It's been awhile since my last chapter. I've been feeling reminiscent, so I thought it might be a good time to share some thoughts on the whole experience.

What happened during the 41 days I spent in Wisconsin is hard to put into words. I keep a lot of the feelings associated with my time there tightly bottled up. I don't know why, maybe beacuse it was such a gamut of emotions, up and down all the time. I had to become a numb neutral being after the first few days. I guess it was how I coped with all the unknown.

It was difficult having Dave leave and come back, but I had lots of other support too. My Dad flew down for a week or so in the beginning. Dave's parents drove down for a weekend, my Mom flew down for a few days. How blessed we were to have such support and love from our families.

I also tried to live in the "now." I (and Dave) would walk to the hosptial, see the babies, feed the babies and love the babies four or five times throughout the day.

Those days were filled with so much. We had attorney's work with and to schedule court dates, social workers to ensure everyone was happy on all sides, legal hoops to jump through, living arrangements to make and change and make and change, and amidst all this babies to love and to feed and to hope they grew fast, but not too fast(more legal hoop stuff.)

most importantly.......
I found some of the most selfless people in the world
1. My birth mom, who gave me not one but two of her precious babies.
2. NICU nurses, who labored to not only help the babies grow but to help us cope and teach us how to care for these precious babies.
3. K, a NICU nurse who opened her home to us so the babies wouldn't have to go into foster care while we waited for a court date. K gave up her own bedroom the day before Christmas for us to come and live with her. She was married, had children, grandchildren, a full and busy life, but she saw our need and took us in. I get so emotional just writing this part down, because I can't ever thank her enough for what she did for us. She provided us with a home while we became parents for the first time. You can't put a price on that and I will always be so grateful for her beautiful heart that she opened up to us.

Our Adoption Story

Chapter 3

Some things you never forget. I remember what I was wearing as we got into our rental car and began to drive toward the hospital. I remember the feeling of cold humid air, even in the car. I remember flashes of white and trees as we sped through the towns. I remember sitting in the cafeteria with a diet coke and Dave. I remember fidgeting with my hair and adjusting my shirt for the fiftieth time. Most of all I remember thinking, when will she be here? will she like us? do we look normal? does she want normal? will she change her mind when she see's us? when will she be here? All those questions were buzzing around in my head over and over for what seemed like hours, but was really I'm sure just a few minutes.

We had talked to Michelle and her mom Christine throughout the day but meeting with them face to face for the first time was nerve-wracking. Then when they walked in, we stood up and introduced ourselves. I gave them hugs and just like that everything was okay. I wasn't scared and I felt so peaceful. That feeling I had for Michelle has never gone away, after that inital meeting I never doubted her intentions or sincerity. Looking back it seems like a pretty incredible leap, but there it was, we now had a common love, the babies.

The babies, I hadn't even met them yet. As we walked up to the NICU, we had a little nervous exchange of words, not much. I was holding back sooooo much emotion. When we walked in to meet our babies for the first time it was very surreal, but also so normal. They were so tiny. Simon had barely reached three pounds, and Olivia was still just under three. We got to hold them, and they seemed so fragile with thier feeding tubes and heart monitors all hooked up to them. It was a little overwhelming to see such tiny creatures, and I thought at that moment "I will do anything for you guys. I don't care how hard it will be, or how sick you might stay, we will keep you and love you forever."



The story doesn't end here. Things are just about to get really good, and realy hard. Stay tuned.
To read the first two chapters, click on the "Our Adoption Story" label

Our Adoption Story

Chapter 2 Preparation before all things……kind of

So when thinking about what happened next in our story I thought about all the craziness of just a few days and what an emotional roller coaster we were on. So instead of boring everyone(myself included) on a detailed log of events, I think a summarization will do just nicely. We went from potentially adopting twins on a Thursday, to flying out to Waukesha (how do you even pronounce that) on a Tuesday. Can you imagine everything that happened within that short time. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

So here are the highlights:

Thursday We called family and told them we are being strongly considered for the adoption of twins. Those were some of the BEST phone calls. To have such support and love. Mom’s Dad’s, sisters, brothers crying with us as our dreams seemed like they were finally coming through…..hopefully

Friday Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. I remember spending all day on the phone, fax machine, email and computer trying to get all of our ducks in a row, just in case this would work out.

Saturday Talk to Birth Mom, M. Oh that phone call, we were so nervous. Talk about interview jitters. Can you imagine trying to impress the mother of your future potential children. She held the possibility of a family in her hands. She was so easy going and nice. We talked about each other, our hopes, our families, what we like to do, who we are. She asked some questions, gave us updates on the babies and that was about it. She said she wanted us to meet the babies. We said we’ll be there next week. So I’m thinking is that it? Are we in?

Sunday Doubts set in, family expresses concern about validity of things. Book flights, worry, afraid to get too excited, get too excited, pace, pray a lot, read scriptures, feel comforted.

Monday Clean out room for twins, worry, afraid to get too excited, get too excited, pace, pray a lot, read scriptures, feel comforted. Seriously, my testimony was strengthened big time over the weekend. Dave and I both felt good about the babies, we knew. It was only when I began to doubt that I would get scared and nervous. I read some incredible scriptures about staying faithful and positive. Reading the scriptures and feeling the peace and comfort of the Spirit were the only things that kept me sane.

Okay…are we ready to go? I booked a one way ticket to Waukesha Wisconsin. Green Bay Packers here we come.

Tuesday D-Day….sorry this is where I am leaving off until next time

Note: see the "our adoption story" link on "ongoing tales" for previous chapters:)

Our Adoption Story

Chapter 1
Beginnings

I want to share our story of how we were blessed with Simon and Liv. It's been quite a journey, and I thought it would be fun to tell our story in small doses.

Let me begin by saying how hard it is when in the adoption process, not to be a "waiting by the phone," person. Spending hours pouring your soul into essays and surveys all while trying not to sound too eager took a long time for us. Almost a year in fact. I would write for a while and then have to stop. When we were finally approved I think somewhere in the back of my head I thought, all right in only a few more weeks now. (click on the link below to see what our profile looked like dave.missy.fl.googlepages.com/ouradoptionprofilepages)

It is very hard to have no control over your future family. Mom's would call us, email us, and decide if they liked us. When nothing panned out, I began to be a little more proactive. We were listed on a national registry and a lady emailed me saying she had an online referral site, which basically has adoptive situations available from various agencies throughout the country. You look at the situations i.e, gender, brief history etc, and if interested contact the agency and the screening process begins. For me this was like the golden apple. I found a way to be able to control part of our situation. We had the choice.

So I began to choose! I would fish around on the website everyday and talk to Dave about all the situations. I think he thought I was a little crazy at first. Nothing felt completely right though, and I began to feel discouraged again.

Then the miracle week! I will always remember this week, as one where Heavenly Father couldn't ignore the prayers of so many. I taught Relief Society on Sunday, and felt impressed to talk a little about our adoption struggles(which I never did, because it is super hard,) but I did, and so many people came up to me and shared their stories of heartache and yearning...it was the most amazing feeling. Throughout the week I received phone calls from various ward members saying they loved my lesson and were thinking about me and praying for me. I felt it too! I have never felt so humbled and loved as I did that week by the prayers of others. I could feel the strength of them!

Thursday morning:
a.m-phone call from agency about prospective baby
a.m-thinking about calling agency and telling them to drop our file
a.m-check referral site one last time and see description that looks something like this
twin babies born November 18 at 29 weeks
one boy, one girl
birth mom reports no drugs or alcohol in system
babies are healthy and doing well
location:Wisconsin (eek)

After I read this description, I KNEW Simon and Olivia were meant for us. I can't explain it other than feeling overjoyed, overwhelmed, humbled, and scared. I called Dave and stared to cry, then I called the agency and said "I think these babies are meant for us."
.....to be continued